The Squirrel and the Grasshopper

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building

and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The

grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the

summer away.



Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering

grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.



THE END


THE BRITISH VERSION: (also applicable in Australia)



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building

his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks

he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come

winter,the squirrel is warm and well fed.



A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press

conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be

warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper,

are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the

shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his

comfortable

warm home with a table laden with food.



The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a

country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so

while others have plenty. The Labour Party,Greenpeace, Animal Rights

and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the

squirrel's house.



The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill

with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall

Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald

that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and

calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his

"fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner

London.



In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the

Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to

the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He

is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as

builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine

for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to

work.



The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to

furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be

socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the

more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.



Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly

imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start

building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and

utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had

hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country

of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport

because of Britains apparent love of dogs.



The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking

and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police

fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves

to then return

them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they

would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to

obtain money from peoples credit cards.



A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the

squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council

house he is in crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to

maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate

government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.



The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment

since arrival in UK.



The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary

to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released

immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is

placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise

him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched

robbery.



A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost ??10,000,000 to state

the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug

rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers

representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are

praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural

diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to

befriend the cats.



The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the

press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root

causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic

experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.



The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were

infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in

the United Kingdom.



The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,

the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on

their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay

for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond

65 because of a shortfall in government funds.



THE END